Endless Alarm

March 23, 2012 in Five Minute Friday

From Gypsy Mama,”Around here we write for five minutes flat on Fridays. We finger paint with words. We try to remember what it was like to just write without worrying if it’s just right or not.Want to play Five Minute Friday? It’s easy peasy! 
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Meet & encourage someone who linked up before you.

OK, are you ready? Give us your best five minutes on: LOUD. 
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It’s 2 am. A loud alarm, one that started in my dream, is steadily ringing. I bolt up. My husband is not stirring? Seconds creep by before my sleepy brain comprehends the alarm is in my ears. 
Fifteen minutes later, unable to turn it off, I head downstairs.  Google says it could be tinnitus: a constant ringing in the ears. They don’t know what causes it ( regular exposure to loud noises?) or how to stop it (please, I MUST shut this off). 
Desperate tears for silence fall, I try to think of loud noise exposure. My baby girl. She screams and cries at a decibel animals avoid. No. This game of blame is not healthy. GO AWAY.  Tinnitus causer or not. I would not give her back. Sleep finds me once I master my thoughts and start reciting scripture I know. 
Four years later this tinnitus has robbed me of complete quiet. But God is faithful and if I keep my mind fixed on other things, I hear silence. 
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Linda March 23, 2012 at 10:09 am

I’m so sorry about your condition. Quiet really is a gift, isn’t it?

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HopeUnbroken March 23, 2012 at 10:24 am

i was just reading this morning in 2 Corinthians about taking every thought captive. and while the context was totally different, for you it is truly necessary isn’t it?
wow. it sounds like a difficult burden, but also like you have turned it into a way of focusing on God.
hoping you find some answers for it.
have a blessed day!
steph

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Mary B March 23, 2012 at 10:41 am

I have had bouts w/this condition but it always went away…I love the way you wrote this, “But God is faithful and if I keep my mind fixed on other things, I hear silence.”

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Kim March 23, 2012 at 2:41 pm

My mom deals with us and finds it incredibly frustrating as well. I had sent her an article I read about how scientists are attempting to silence it by retuning the brain.

Here is the link: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/9149059/Tinnitus-silenced-by-retuning-brain.html

I loved this comment to the article and wonder if it would be of help to you: For as long as I can remember I’ve occasionally suffered from ringing in the ears, and a long time ago, being quite musical, I just hummed the same note and hey presto! After humming the note for a few seconds the ringing tone went away – no more problem. With a little musical practice, anyone can do this – and it doesn’t cost anything.

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Kerri S March 23, 2012 at 3:17 pm

i love that even in instances of uncontrollable loud, you go to Him to find peace and quiet! what a beautiful picture of trust!

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mwc liz March 23, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Visiting from Gypsy Mama’s blog.

Good luck keeping yourself focused, it sounds like you have found a way to cope.

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Laura March 23, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Thanks friends for visiting and commenting. Really, tinnitus is not a struggle for me. But the memory of waking up when it first came is strong and was the first thought when I saw the word loud.

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Kim March 23, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Laura, Thanks for coming by my blog and sharing. You had asked a question about me being comfortable with myself, something I don’t think I’ve ever been asked, and I did my best to answer it for you in the comments.

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Jen@ADropintheBucket March 24, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Laura, can’t imagine how that must have felt when it first started happening. But glad that it isn’t a struggle for you. Thanks for your comment on my blog. It REALLY intrigued me (you mentioned thinking that Americans living abroad are brave and unaffected by the thoughts of what others think). But like you said, YES we are all woman. I must have ingrained sense of braveness to make the move here, that I would agree with, but beyond that? It is a work in progress. And I always worry about other thoughts (finding the freeness of not doing that as much that I have resurrendered to God) and that is also one of the things that makes it hardest to make the move over here. Thanks again for your comment!

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Michele {A Life Surrendered} March 27, 2012 at 2:49 am

You positivity and your faith is inspiring… It is beautiful testament to the grace of God in your life…

Blessings to you…

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