Wednesday Wisdom: Social life once you Stay Home

February 29, 2012 in mom friends,Wednesday wisdom

There are certain pieces of advice that I repeat to myself over many months, sometimes years. They are mottos, reminders, inspirations, and butt kickers. And on some Wednesdays, I share them with you. Today’s Wednesday Wisdom is dedicated to all the sweet new moms God is placing in my life. 
Be Your Own Social Coordinator

The first years of staying home with kids were lonely. I didn’t live near family. Most of my peers didn’t have kids yet. And we were in a sort of church limbo. Just when I started find friends, my second was born and the demands of infant care kept us home from story time, MOPS and most of the lifelines I had developed. We moved from Iowa in the cold of January, with a 9-month old and a 2 1/2 year old, to Montana, and the loneliness got worse. Family was now three times farther away. We didn’t have a new or old church family. My husband was deep in grad school and illnesses. And most of the parents in family housing were gone all day either working or schooling. 

Before we moved, a woman who had raised 3 kids gave me some advice. She told me that many moms don’t realize that by leaving the workplace, you lose most of you daily social interaction.  STAHMs have to be their own social coordinators. They have to be their own advocates. A three day stretch without adult interaction is not okay. It’s an invitation for Satan to start messing with your mental health. You need to plan social times into your days, even if it just on the phone. 

I followed the advice. Many times, I’ve pursued connections, only to be disappointed by another’s refusal to let me into her life. Sometimes, I’ve found gems. 

In Montana, I became a stalker. I kept seeing another mom, with kids the same age as mine (almost to the day). She would be at the chiropractor, the grocery store, the library at the exact same times as me. Over and over again for weeks. Finally, I invited her over for a play date. My new friend had a sense of humor and a laughter that was contagious and heeling to my lonely soul. And the day I invited her over was the day her husband left her (how brave she was to still come!). It was a divine appointment for a friendship with heeling that we both needed. Now we’ve moved to  Michigan. I miss her but use the memory of our friendship to gain courage to take relationship risks.  

A life-giving group of moms. We had a weekly playgroup. And really,
if it hadn’t been for the age of our kids, I doubt we would
have been friends. We were all so different.

So join playgroups, classes, invite a mom over to connect. Take a risk and start a group. It is part of your job as STAHM (and really, if you work and don’t have friends, I am talking to you too), a kind of mental exercise. 

If you’ve enjoyed today’s Wednesday Wisdom and would like to check out other previous Wednesday Wisdoms, check out this link

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Sassy February 29, 2012 at 3:34 pm

I love my friend Laura and I miss her.


Lyli @ 3dLessons4Life April 18, 2012 at 6:25 pm

I agree. It’s so important to stay connected!


redemptionsbeauty April 18, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Oh my, I did a gasp at the part where she came to your house the day her husband left her. Was that a divine appointment or what? You are so right here. I have moved so many times and especially now that I don’t have those play group connections, I have to be more intentional about cultivating friendships. One of my favorites of yours so far.


Amy April 19, 2012 at 5:00 am

Wow. Agreed. That WAS a divine appointment. It takes an act of courage and a leap of faith to step out and extend a hand of friendship. I try to remember that I might be scared out of my wits, but no one needs to know that. I can put on my confident face and move forward!


Jennifer @ April 19, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Life-giving …

What a great way to describe a group of good friends. So happy that God blessed you with these ladies — and that you, in turn, blessed them! I hope you are finding new connections in Michigan. No doubt, you are! You inspire me!


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