When a disease takes residence..

August 3, 2012 in Five Minute Friday,gratitude

It’s 2 am here and I am blogging. I am not waiting for a college student to come home or cooing an infant back to sleep. My stomach, with the deep empty feeling,  woke me because I didn’t take care of myself today. And now I need to wait, 15 minutes at least (enough time for this 5-minute exercise), to check my numbers again.  I had ice cream for dinner and 1/2  a peanut butter sandwich, in that order. Too much carbs and then not enough. And I never checked my numbers before I went to bed.

Diabetes is the comdiabetespany I keep. She came to visit during my first pregnancy. Then again, with more flamboyance during my second. She left for a year. Then returned and apparently has set up residence.

I remember years of anger. This disease did not belong to me. I did not invite her. I was  31-years-old, 5’6” and under 130 pounds. Diabetes was only supposed to stay forever with people who had different stats. I felt left out. Watching others celebrate with cookies and a giant piece of chocolate cake while I took my time with my sliver was unfair. Or that is what I told my pity party coordinator.

It’s 2 am and I blog because God has answered my prayers. Contentment has replaced anger. God took this disease, not away, but from burden status. Now I am grateful we can live together, without her killing me. Not grateful that she won’t go, because I would celebrate that day. Grateful that my body wakes me up when my numbers slip too low. Grateful for the pocket-size machine that needs only a small prick of blood to spit out helpful numbers. Grateful for the extra need to eat well. And grateful for the life giving insulin I inject daily.

God must be here for I could never transform anger into gratitude.

Image credit: Ambro/Freedigitalimages

Taking a break from the creativity series today to join my blogging friends in a writing challenge at Lisa Jo’s. It’s 5 precious minutes of free writing on the word: here.

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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Tanya Marlow August 3, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Thanks so much for this post.

I related to it a lot – I have M.E. (sometimes known as chronic fatigue syndrome, though it’s a rubbish name for it…) For the past two years I have been housebound and unable to leave the house for much more than an hour a week. It sucks, pretty much!

I’m not sure I’m at the gratitude point (yet?) but, this month at least, I’m more peaceful about it. I wrote about what it’s like to have a chronic illness here:
http://tanyamarlow.com/?p=126
Do check it out if you have time.

Lovely meeting you through Lisa-Jo’s!

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Tanya Marlow August 3, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Sorry! Didn’t know if the link was working or not – the post is called ‘I am not heroic’.

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Joanna August 3, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Thanks for sharing your joy in the midst of difficulty Laura. I hope you’re able to stay at the place of joy, and go deeper into it. Hope your body adjusts and you’re able to enjoy your day. Fun summer plans with the girls?

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caitlinlittlejohn August 3, 2012 at 4:05 pm

thank you for sharing this, Laura! I have struggled with chronic illness since I was eight years old, and I feel like I’ve gone through the same process as you. There’s a whole process of feelings, but you KNOW that the Lord has healed you in an area when all negative feelings are replaced with praise for His wisdom and goodness 🙂 praying for your complete healing. bless you!

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BARBIE August 3, 2012 at 4:23 pm

You truly have brought forth the meaning of “rejoicing in all things”. To find contentment in sickness, that is true joy. And i know that joy only comes from Him! Stopping over from the 5 Minute Friday. Have a beautiful week!

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Positively Alene August 3, 2012 at 10:19 pm

My eyes leak! I can just imagine that anger that must have come. With the pregnancy of my 2nd I became allergic to a few things. It’s a pain, but girl nothing like your diabetes. I’m so thankful you’ve learned to be content in the here and claim God and His truths. Anger can divide our families and kill many spirits along the way — I know, I’ve dealt with the angry beast. Blessings sweet friend for being so transparent.

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Denise August 3, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Amen, I totally understand. I am dealing with diabetes too. Will be praying for you.

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Dawn @ The Momma Knows August 4, 2012 at 4:37 am

Yes, only Him! What a testimony about living with diabetes.

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Lisa August 4, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Oh, thank you for sharing the real side of struggling over health that is outside of our control. I appreciate your honesty! May God give you the strength to care for yourself well. Blessings on you!

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Paloma August 4, 2012 at 7:09 pm

I didn’t know you were going through that! It’s great to know we have a God who cares, listens and responds… Praise God for His grace… which is sufficient! My prayers with you!

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Anonymous August 4, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Test comment for my aunt. 🙂

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mrsbonnbonn.com August 6, 2012 at 12:18 pm

enjoyed reading your post. stopped by from sits:)

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Mothering From Scratch August 6, 2012 at 9:50 pm

{Melinda} Only God can “give peace that passes all understanding” and gratitude in the midst of disease, can’t He? My sweet boy has cystic fibrosis and I have autoimmune disease — and although I curse the diseases, I am grateful for the display of God’s faithfulness in the midst of them. I am grateful for how He has used them to build our character and our faith. God bless you as you battle this disease day-by-day and step-by-step. You’re leaning on the right Source.

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