When your own abilities are not enough

August 31, 2012 in Five Minute Friday,homeschoooling

For three years both girls went away for the day when school started. The first year, I struggled with how to spend my time. A whole seven hours without kids was luxurious and confusing. I adjusted. I loved it.

Now we’re home–to stay. Knowing how much I would sacrifice in time and friendships, I knew it wouldn’t be easy. Now, learning is rich and connected and together. And the teacher, in me is loving this learning life.

But the pressures are building. Every hole in their education, it now comes from me. Home all day means messes, all day. Figuring out how to still meet my friends, or to grocery shop, or just to steal an hour without someone needing me, touching me, or calling me. We have new habits to learn, changes to make (Can anyone be my cook for free?)

Yesterday it was too much. And small touches or too much wiggling. It all set me off. I cried at the sight of a friend atΒ  a door. I was the extra mess yesterday. Unsure how my poor organization and introverted needs would survive the year, the tears refused my command to stop.

Putting away some groceries in the deep freeze at 8 pm, God nudged me, “Surely I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” I looked up (not at a beautiful sky but at the basement ceiling). On top of the upright freezer was one of those reusable grocery bags. It had stuff in it. Frustration filled me, as I grabbed the bag muttering about how I am the only one who picks up around here. Inside? My missing Bible, gone for for 6 months, the one I’ve had since my engagement– with all my favorite verses underlined, the list of scriptures the girls and I have memorized, the dates of scriptures I’ve prayed. A long time friend, with leather soft from travels. I still hadn’t found a comfortable replacement.

“Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” –Matthew 28:20

Oh Joy. It’s 5-minute Friday day at Lisa Jo’s. Link up with us and write, won’t you? Today’s word: Change. I went over time today. I had to finish the story!

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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

wifemotherexpletive August 31, 2012 at 10:48 am

YAY!! here’s to bad days, ending well. I’m sorry for the bad day, but it feels like sometimes these are the biggest teachers.

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renee August 31, 2012 at 11:05 am

coming in from Lisa Jo–I love that verse! I put it in the kids lunch boxes. I love stopping in to check on you! I’m just starting to homeschool my girls and the boys are in “school” and it is SO different. Be Blessed and have a great long weekend.

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Denise August 31, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Nice post.

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Blond Duck August 31, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Sometimes you find hope in the places you least expect it.

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Melissa August 31, 2012 at 3:48 pm

What a beautiful blog post! I sure am glad you went over time to finish it out. Working in education, I have recently had to stop to remind myself and many others I see to just remember to breathe! God has his hand in your situation and it will all work out!

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Kristin Leamy August 31, 2012 at 5:07 pm

He really does nudge us at those times we need it most, doesn’t He? I love this.

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Mothering From Scratch August 31, 2012 at 7:54 pm

{Melinda} Don’t you just love when God does that? Gives me goosebumps. Laura, you are doing a difficult thing. I admire you for it. All each of us as moms can do is our best. We’ll all leave our children with some “holes” — whether we’re homeschooling or not. We just have to pray that they’ll look to God to fill them. πŸ™‚

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Positively Alene September 1, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Glad to see you link up at SITS today! I love your heart. I homeschooled for 6 months when we moved here. While I love it — it ended up not being the best answer for our family long term. When I was pondering whether to homeschool or not an angel (seriously – I never had seen her and God put her in my path) said to me “just do what works best for now. You don’t have to make a life-long commitment today.” That was the most freeing statement! So friend – breath today. Enjoy the moment and the messes. Take time for yourself. And whether homeschooling works for another year or not — it’s all good. Hey your girls have you as a mom – and you got God on your side!!!

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misssrobin September 2, 2012 at 2:18 am

What a beautiful reminder and tender mercy in a moment when you needed it so much. Thank you for sharing this special moment.

Happy Sharefest. I hope you have a lovely weekend.

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SouthMainMuse September 2, 2012 at 8:08 pm

This could have been written by me…though I don’t homeschool and your post is the exact resson I can’t. But that’s not to imply in anyway you won’t be great at it. Just be patient and look for little victories. I bet by Christmas, you’ll look back and feel a sense of accomplishment. Good Luck!

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Nikki @ Simplystriving September 3, 2012 at 2:53 am

Oh my goodness–love how He even meets us at the Deep Freeze! and He meets you with a ray of light besides…for really, is there anything warmer than Words shed with His very breath?

Oh, you got me all riled up! love it!
and girl, hugs to you. really. I’m starting my homeschooling journey on Tuesday. wish we could hold each other….

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viviene September 3, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Coming back to say that I gave you a Blog Award!

http://thejourneyofawoman.com/2012/09/03/the-lovely-blog-award/

You are such an inspiration =)

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Jennifer September 5, 2012 at 2:14 pm

What a dear, sweet post! God’s Word is certainly a refuge in our time of need. πŸ™‚

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